


Wiped Clean

by foreverdestielxx



Category: AU - Fandom, SPN, Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-27
Updated: 2016-05-27
Packaged: 2018-07-10 15:03:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6990232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foreverdestielxx/pseuds/foreverdestielxx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel feels like he has completely messed everything up. Deans angry, Sam is angry… he feels at a loss and unable to fix it. So he travels back in time, doesn’t raise dean from perdition. Instead, another angel does. Castiel returns to his year and continues to watch over them. But, can it really be that simple to fix? Did Cas really think that it would be that easy to make Dean forget about him? About their profound bond? Or can love pierce through the veil and save the day?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wiped Clean

**Author's Note:**

> lolol I'm sorry guys, I suck at summarys. x_x
> 
> This fic is based on this cute, heartbreaking, little post right [here](http://sansa-jon.tumblr.com/post/84052339983/deansass-i-have-a-more-heartbreaking-ending-for). :3
> 
> A big thank you to [Nour](http://sansa-jon.tumblr.com) for not only the amazing idea but for letting me write the fic for it and adding in my own little twist.<3
> 
> You can also find this post on [tumblr](http://foreverdestielxx.tumblr.com/post/145022819468/wiped-clean). :3 ENJOY MY BEAUTIFUL BUTTERFLIES.

Every morning Dean wakes up with that familiar ache in his chest. This empty feeling, like there is this massive hole he can't fill. He isn't even sure why there is this hole in his bust and why it aches. Longing for a phantom touch or ghostly voice that never comes. And it wasn't like he just woke up one day and it was there, no it has always been there, lurking in the corners. Actually no, he can pin-point the exact moment he remembers it appearing. It was right after he was dragged out of the pits of hell and saved.

That night in the barn, when that angel walked in. Something about it felt different, wrong, like a piece of him was expecting  _ someone  _ different to walk in. He wasn't sure why then and still isn't sure why now that thought had crossed his mind. But ever since that moment his chest has carried around this empty feeling, this hole, that he just can't fill. So what does he do? He deals with it in the true Winchester fashion, ignores it, push it down and to the side. Most of the time he can ignore it or forget it's there. But then there are moments, like right now, where it makes its presence well known.

The mornings are usually the worst for him. It's always right when he wakes up, mind still a little bit foggy from the sleep and not fully awake yet. Those small few seconds of peace, the few seconds he forgets about the ache and emptiness. He forgets because for those few short seconds it's gone. But then it comes flying back and crushing him like a brick building; like a rude awakening.  _ 'Hey, I'm still here, don't think you can forget about me.' _ it screams him wide awake, but that doesn't mean it isn't harder to go to sleep.

It could be a tie between waking up or falling asleep that is the worst. He isn't really sure anymore. Some how Dean got used to this feeling, got  used  to the 'new' way of waking up and the 'new' way of falling asleep. Dean knows he should probably talk about it, but how can you talk about something like this to someone when you don't even understand it yourself? You don't. So he pushes it down, ignores it, and figures maybe one day it'll fade.  _ Like it'll ever be that easy _ .

So Dean does his best to just ignore it. Each day he goes through the same motions as the day before. Gets up, gets dressed, gets his cup of coffee, him and Sam discuss their next case. Sometimes they do a couple days drive, sometimes more, sometimes less. Once they finish they go back home. Then repeat it all over again. Sometimes Dean and Sam will take a small break between hunts and just admire the stars. Or stay at the bunker and watch a game or two. But most of the time, they keep going, they keep hunting. 

Dean knows that Sam also has that feeling of something missing. Not as strong and painful as Dean’s, but it's there for him too. But unlike Dean, Sam somehow manages to just shake it off a little bit better. At first Dean just chops it up to not having that dick of an angel around anymore, but every time he has that little thought he finds his heart to do a little flutter. As if butterfly wings were coming back to life once more. He isn't sure why. He didn't much care for the angel, he was a dick, though he did help him and Sammy out of trouble sometimes.

Yet every time his mind seems to go with that train of thought, Dean can't help but hear that little voice inside his head go off.  _ 'It wasn't supposed to be him.'  _ That feeling Dean got that first night in the barn comes back. Seeing that man walk in and the feeling of  _ 'this is wrong'  _ or  _ 'this isn't right'  _ or  _ 'it's not supposed to be you' _ . It just circles around in his head until he gets a headache from it. However, that usually only happens around night time when his mind is trying to shut off and trying to go to sleep. It comes alive and tries to figure out the reason for the ache. Except, Dean never ends up with answers. Just a half empty bottle of whiskey and a slight hangover the next morning;  _ where it all starts back over again. _

"Hey, Dean," Sam's voice filled with worry breaks through the deep thoughts that Dean must have slipped into. "You okay, man?" He asked, concern filling his voice with a frown upon his face. Dean blinks a couple of times before shaking his head. As if that'll remove the thoughts running wild in his head.

"Yeah...yeah..just ya know, still waking up." Dean finally manages to answer back before looking over to his brother with a short smile on his face, trying to reassure him.

"Just need my morning cup of coffee then I'll be fine." Dean once more reassures Sam with a short nod before reaching out in front of him to pour himself a cup of coffee. Sam knows it probably has something to do with that feeling neither of them can shake, that something is missing. But he doesn't push. Dean is thankful for that. He isn't ready to talk about...whatever the hell this is. He should probably try to figure it out first before going all chick flick with his brother about it.

"I think I found us a hunt." Sam speaks, cutting through Dean's thoughts once more. Dean picks up his cup of coffee and makes his way over to the table in the bunker’s kitchen. Sitting down in front of Sam as he nods his head at his brother, letting him know he has his attention.

"So get this, over the last couple of weeks the Sheriff’s department in Mink Creek, Idaho has come across an increase of some very disturbing deaths. Now, the local sheriff’s office are calling it some kind of Satan worshiping cult, but I think it might be a good old fashion case of Witches." Sam spoke turning the laptop around to face Dean, so that he could see the crime scene photos and some of the details the local cops had wrote down for reports. Along with what the local newspapers were saying.

"Now the newspaper thinks it might be something else, but almost all the victims seem to have some kind of link to each other..." Sam continued as he turned the laptop back around to face him.

"Plus the way some of the marks are, it looks more like some kind of witchy like ritual or even maybe a sacrifice." Sam finished, looking up at the sound of a snort coming from Dean as he took a sip of his coffee.

"Sacrifice? Now what are they trying to bring back." Dean spoke shaking his head a little, this time it was Sam's turn to snort before leaning back a little.

"Pack your bags, Sammy, looks like we got us a good ol' fashion witch hunt." Dean chirps as he finishes off his coffee before standing up and placing the cup in the sink. The soft grunt that comes from Sam, lets Dean know he corrected him on calling him Sammy, like he always does. Dean's sure it came with an eye roll as well. Which he can't help but smile at a little as he takes off down the bunker hall way to get ready to leave.

Dean couldn't help but pick up that haunting feeling once more.  _ Something's missing,  _ that little voice whispered as he walks into his empty room. That little flutter his heart had made when he went to open the door as if expecting something to be there, now died down. It was replaced with that aching feeling once more. Dean once again ignores it as he moves around his room to quickly pack his bag before they set out on their next hunt. Shutting his mind off, to keep it quiet and not let it distract him while he does his job.

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This was just supposed to be a  _ simple  _ case; witches. Quick stab or shoot and then it would be over. Then they would be on their way back home. Dean was never sure why he always had that rushing feeling to get home. As if something or someone was there waiting for him to return. Each time his heart would flutter with excitement before those small wings would die once more at the disappointment of the bunker being empty. If Dean didn't deny the emotions most of the time he would think he was going crazy. He once thought maybe he was glamored, like they do in Men in Black, to forget something. It would make sense, at least in Dean's head it kind of did. They glamored him to forget. But the thing about that is you can make the brain forget things, but the heart, you can never make the heart forget. But what wasn't it forgetting? He still wasn't sure.

The whole time working this case, Dean couldn't shake this feeling like something was wrong or off. He wasn't sure if it was just the aching feeling or actually something else. Something was throwing him off about this case. But it didn't matter anymore because he had now got his answer why. Why the whole witch thing was throwing him off. Because it wasn't witches at all. Demons, of course it was Demons. Sure it had been a long time since they worked a simple Demon case. But he didn't think it had been this long. So long that they had managed to twist the brothers completely around. Make them think they were hunting witches all the way till this point in time right now. The point where everything took a turn for the worst.  _ Or maybe it was for the better. _

They say when you are about to die your whole life flashes before your eyes. Dean would lie if he said it didn't happen to him. It did. Just it wasn't his life, or at least not one he remembers living.....ever. To be honest, it was like looking through a crack in the wall. Peeking into a forbidden window, you know you shouldn't be looking but you can't help but look in. At first it was just confusion that filled Dean. Not only because he wasn't exactly sure what was happening. One minute he was taking on some Demons with his brother. The next he just remembers hitting something cold and then things went dark.

Except it wasn't completely dark. There was this small line of bright blue light, Dean wasn't sure why but for some reason he felt drawn to it. The warmth and love that radiated off of it, he was drawn to it like a moth drawn to a flame. Except when he touched it, it didn't burn him. It spread warmth throughout him as images flashed in front of him. That small crack in the wall, that forbidden window, he was now staring into. Watching as images flashed in front of him. Some of him and Sam, but most of them of him and someone else. He wasn't sure who he was. But he knew him, well he didn't know him know him, but his heart knew him. So he watched, unable to look away. It wasn't till bright blue eyes flashed in the images that it really hit him like a brick house. That ache in his chest, the longing that radiated within it, that empty hole no longer feeling empty. That's what he had been missing, those bright blue ocean eyes. A shaky breath escaped from his lips. His legs felt slightly shaky, like they were no longer strong enough to hold him up.

 

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"Dean, I'm so sorry." The blue eyed angel whispered, among the chaos going on in the abandoned graveyard. His eyes didn't fully reach up to look at the Winchester. That was Dean's first sign that something was wrong. Other than the obvious two subjects; Amara and Lucifer. Well now just Lucifer.

They had finally destroyed Amara and Cas had casted Lucifer out and now had him trapped. Ready to stuff him back in the cage. It was almost over. But somehow that statement haunted Dean, left a bitter taste in his mouth as he looked over to the angel.

"I never meant for any of this to happen to you...I never..- I never meant..." Cas wasn't sure what words to use, he was stumbling and Dean wasn't quite sure what Cas was trying to say. Why was he trying to say something that sounded like a goodbye? He was okay. He was safe now.

"Cas, buddy, what are you talking about?" Dean finally questioned, his eyes looking at Cas. Waiting for the angel to finally look up and meet his eye. But he wouldn't, which left a pit in his stomach. This was usually what happened right before Cas went and did something stupid.

The room got really quiet now that Lucifer was once more back in his cage. The bright lights, the crazy wind, all of it was gone. Now it was just a soft quiet space and that bothered Dean more than it should. Sam, Crowley, Chuck all looked relieved, Lucifer was gone, Amara was gone as well. The big threat to end the world was now taken care of.

Yet for some reason Dean couldn't shake this feeling like  _ his world was about to end _ anyway. He wasn't sure why this haunting feeling crept into him as his eyes landed on the broken angel in front of him. Cas must have taken a couple more steps because he was closer than before. Which caused more alarm in Dean then it should. Cas still wouldn't meet Dean’s eye, the biggest flag of all.

"Cas...whatever you are thinking or got going on in you head...just  _ let it go _ , man." Dean spoke softer now as he looked down at Cas. Finally the angel looked up at Dean with the most broken smile on his face Dean had ever seen. Dean wasn't surprised when he took in a sharp intake of air at the look that was in the angel’s eyes. Dean could see the others looking at them weird, questioning what was going on, but he didn't pay them any mind.

This was it. This was when his  _ world fell apart _ , even though he had just saved the world. The thought kept rolling around in his head and he couldn't get it out. It was silly, Cas was safe and fine and standing right in front of him. But Cas was so broken, tired and something else that Dean couldn't place.... like Cas was about to  _ lose his whole world too _ .

"That's what I'm trying to do, Dean." Cas finally spoke, in a whisper so quiet Dean wasn't even sure if he heard him right.

"What...what-- what do-" Dean coughed some to clear his throat and tried again. "What are you talking about, Cas?"

"It's all going to be okay, I promise." Cas spoke softly, the ghost of a smile on his lips as his eyes locked with Dean’s. Blue staring at Green and Green staring back at Blue. Confusion swept over Dean's face at those words.

"I'm going to go back and fix all my mistakes... I'm going to make it all better." Cas smiled this time, really smiled, but Dean could see that the happiness behind the smile was missing. It was a smile but it was a broken smile.

"Cas...what d-" Dean tried speaking but found a tight lump in his throat keeping him from talking. So he cleared his throat once more to try again, speaking around the lump. "Cas, buddy, it's okay. We all make mistakes.... hell, Sam and I probably hold the record for making stupid ass mistakes."

Dean tried to shrug but it fell short at the broken laugh that escaped from Cas’ lips as he once more looked back up at Dean. Dean couldn't shake the confusion of where all of this was coming from. Fix his mistakes? If he was talking about the whole Lucifer thing, then it was done and over with. Sure Dean was pissed at him for doing something so stupid. But that didn't mean anything. He still wanted Cas to come home with him, back to the bunker. But Dean couldn't shake this feeling like Cas  _ wouldn't be coming back home with him. _

Dean felt his face fall some when Castiel reached out his hand and rested it gentle on the hunters cheek. Cas thumb softly brushing along his cheekbone. That same soft, sad, broken, smile was back. Something else also hiding within it that Dean couldn't place till this moment.  _ Goodbye _ , goodbye was hiding behind it.

"Cas..." Dean spoke the name in a silent plea as the angel looked back up to meet his eyes, the angel just smiled once more. Dean rested his head in the angel’s hand, leaning into the touch, as if it would keep him there.

"Let’s just go home, man. Back to the bunker, okay?  We'll sit down and just talk about what’s going on? Okay?..." Dean tried once more. Cas wasn't speaking, just smiling that broken goodbye smile. Dean wasn't sure if it was because he didn't have anything to say or if he couldn't. Because it would break him and he'd stay. He'd change his mind. Dean just couldn't figure out why he wanted to leave.

" _ You are my home, Dean Winchester _ ." The angel finally spoke, his voice and words just as broken as the look on his face. Dean would've been taken back by the words but he couldn't really register them. Because of the fear rolling around in the pit of his stomach as it dropped.

"But the pain I have caused you, the mistakes I have done, what I have done to the angels... I have to fix those mistakes and this is the only way I know how." Cas spoke the words softly and slowly to make sure that Dean heard them. Dean would've been pissed any other time but in this moment he was thankful he had. The sound of his heart beating like crazy at the thought of losing Cas almost drowned out the words.

"Okay...just come back to the bunker and we'll fix them  _ together _ ..." Dean managed to choke out over the growing lump in his throat. He almost flinched when Cas finally took his hand back, already missing the feeling of his hand on his face. This was it. This was the moment. Dean knew it and no matter how much he warned himself, he would never be ready.

"Just always remember, in here..." Cas said placing a hand over Dean's chest. Over his heart as he stepped a little closer, eyes still meeting Dean's eyes. "I'll always be watching over you."

Dean could feel his jaw click as he tightened it as his eyes searched Cas, looking for some kind of answer as to why. But Dean knew why. Cas had told him. Dean could tell Cas really didn't want to go. But for some reason felt it was the only way. Dean stepped closer, closing the small space between them causing Cas to have to look up now to meet Dean's eye.

"Goodbye, Dean Winchester." Where the last words that Dean would ever hear Cas say. The phantom touch of lips left imprinted on his forehead would be burned there forever.

"CAS! CASTIEL!" Dean yelled, but he knew it was no point. He wasn't sure what Cas was planning. But he looked around the graveyard as if he might still be there, just playing a joke. Dean spun all around. But all he was meet with was emptiness and the other three standing there. They looked just as confused as they looked around as well.

"CAS! GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE." Dean shouted once more into the empty. He could feel the burning behind his eyes build, as the first tear threatened to spill over. This empty feeling started to fill him, this hole in his chest starting to form.

"CAS! YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH." Dean yelled once more into the empty. But something fell flat, the name started to fall flat. He was shouting the name but as the minutes went on, the name lost a meaning. Soon he was standing in a graveyard with his brother, Chuck, and Crowley. Shouting a name he wasn't  _ familiar  _ with. He could feel it in his bones, in his heart that it held some kind of meaning to him. But he didn't know what. All he knew was that the name left a taste of heartbreak and sorrow on his tongue and an empty hole inside his chest.

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Dean watched the last memory float by, sorrow filled it. He didn't get it, he was confused, yet he felt....whole. Like the missing piece of him was returned to him. But he wasn't, he didn't know who the person had been in front of him. How can one miss someone they don't remember? He didn't know. But the way his heart fluttered. Those butterfly wings coming back to life once more, told him that this was the answer to all his questions. His life flashed in front of him, everything was the same;  _ except it wasn't _ . Because in this life, he wasn't alone. Sure he had Sam, but that wasn't the same.

In this life he wasn't fully broken, he wasn't fully alone. He watched this life of his flash before his eyes and found himself jealous of this life. He was angry and mad because he didn't remember this life. But his heart did and he wanted it back. But how do you get a life back, you never had? Dean wasn't quite sure. But he was going to find a way. He wasn't sure if this life was a life that actually happened, or if this blue eyed angel was real. Or just some dream world he wish he could have. But he had to try. He'd find his way back to  _ him _ , somehow, some way.

"DEAN!" Sam yelled once more, as he looked down at his brother lying on the ground. A sigh of relief escaped the younger hunter as his brothers eyes started to flutter open. But Dean didn't answer back, he just stared up at the sky. As if he just got all the answers to his questions, yet he was still confused. Dean finally removed his angry eyes from the sky to look at his brother who still held a worried look on his face.

"Who is...Castiel?" Sam questioned as he helped Dean set up as he kneeled beside him. Dean snapped his eyes from the ground in front of him to look over at his brother. Dean offered a small shrug before looking back down at the ground.

"The demon knocked you out. Actually, threw you a crossed the warehouse. Knocking you into a wall that ended up breaking and flinging you outside, knocking you out." Sam explained as if that was what Dean was questioning. But it wasn't. He had a lot of questions but he wasn't going to worry Sam with them. Dean grunted a little as Sam helped him stand back up on his feet before patting his shoulder some.

"For a minute there I thought you were dead." Sam added in, concern filling his voice as he looked over at Dean. Dean gave him a small look of confusion. He felt fine, his head ached a little but overall he felt fine.

"Don't know what you mean, Sam. I'm fine. I got a small headache, but other than that." Dean spoke as he waved his hands out as if to show he was fine. Sam sighed softly before shrugging his shoulders some.

"I don't know, Dean. I'm just saying it was a hard hit. You went through a wall, man. Plus that amount of blood on the ground. Most got a  _ guardian angel watching over you  _ or something." Sam couldn't help but grin at the last part of that sentence. Which caused Dean to roll his eyes to the sky this time.  _ I'll always be watching over you.  _ The words echoed in his mind at the sentence, causing him to stare at the sky a little longer.

"Bitch." Dean answered back to his brother who rolled his eyes and grunted softly.

"Jerk." Sam answered back before softly shaking his head as the brothers made their way back to Baby. They'd stay one more night at the motel before they headed home.

 

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_ You are my home, Dean Winchester.  _ The words echoed inside of Dean’s head as he drove back to the motel. It was almost dark now and there was a soft rain flow coming down when they pulled into the motel parking lot. Sam headed straight inside planning to shower and then pass out. Dean just nodded a little with a small grunt. 

 

Dean took in a long deep breath, held it for a moment, then let it out slowly. The rain had now stopped, leaving but a soft mist behind. Dean let his eyes cast up to the sky, the stars shining bright. His eyes stared a little longer at one little star in the distant. Sure it didn't shine as bright as the others. But something about that soft blue light caught his attention. The warmth and loving feeling filling him up once again. Reminding him why he was standing outside staring up at the stars.

For some reason Dean couldn't help but look at them just a little bit differently tonight. Than all the other times he stared at them. Before, he stared at them hoping they would give him the answers he needed. But tonight he stared at them knowing the answers he needed and they had come from them. From one of them at least.

"Cas..." The name slips from his lips before he really registers it. The silent prayer left his lips in a shaky breath. He wasn't even sure if he was listening or if he was even real or just some made up person he wanted to be real. But the way his heart fluttered and the butterfly wings coming back to life, Dean knew he was real. Knew that he would be listening. Because Cas always listened. Cas always came when he called. Dean just hoped he would come at least one last time. That he would finally just come back home to him.

"I know you are listening...you always are..." He whispers the last part as he finally looked up from the ground and to the sky. Looking at that one soft little star glowing above him. A piece of him couldn't help but think it was glowing just a little more brighter, a little more warmer as he talked.

"Please co-" Dean stopped and clears his throat. That familiar lump forming in his throat, his eyes cast down for a moment. Letting his eyes slide close for a moment, he takes in a soft breath, holds it, lets it out slowly. His eyes opening once more before looking back up to that one star.

"I need you to come back home, Cas...." Dean speaks in a soft whisper, part of him isn't sure if Cas will hear the whisper. But he knows he will, he always has before.

"I'm not saying I'm not pissed at you for leaving... 'cause god, Cas, I'm so pissed at you. But that doesn't matter, it doesn't. Because...I remember, Cas. All of it. I have to admit, it’s a new one. Going back in time and changing the fact you saved me. To make me forget all about you. But guess what... it didn't work, Cas. I'm kind of hurt you actually thought it would. That you honestly thought I would be able to forget you so easily." Dean can't help the broken laugh that escapes his lips at the last part. Shaking his head some as his tongue darts out between his lips, licking for a moment before his eyes fall down to his hands.

"If you are out there somewhere, and I know you are. Just know that no matter what, after all the crazy shit that you have done, including this whole making me forget shit, I forgive you. You'll always be forgiven, Cas. No matter how pissed Sam or I get at you, or how angry we get it doesn't matter. At the end of the day it doesn't matter, Cas. Because you'll always be forgiven. You're family, Cas. You'll always be family." Dean found the last of his words to break a little bit. That burning feeling behind his eyes coming back. He could feel the tears that wanted to fall over but he did his best to hold them back.

"Just....come home, Cas." Dean whispered once more. A heartbeat or two went by and he was still met with silence. "Please, Cas. I need you." The whispered plea end of his prayer slipped out of his lips into the silent night. His eyes looked back up from his hands to the sky once more. His eyes searching the stars hoping for some kind of answer.

Dean waited for...well he wasn't sure just how long he waited, but it was long enough for his fingers to get cold. His head whipping around all over the place looking, hoping for  _ his  _ angel to come back to him. But once again he was met with silence. That flutter in his heart dying once more, the butterfly wings dying once more as he stood up. He let his eyes search the area again, hoping that just maybe Cas would show up. But he was met with nothing, once more. His eyes scanned the sky, sending up one more silent pray for Cas to just come back to him. Before heading back into the motel room. If Sam heard what he said, he didn't say anything about. He remained quiet as he laid in his bed. Dean making his way to his own bed, turning in for the night.  _ Hoping maybe tomorrow will be better. _

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_ Goodbye, Dean Winchester.  _ The words screamed inside of Dean’s head startling him awake. The words ringing in his head as if they had truly been spoken out loud. As if Cas had been standing right next to him and yelling them in his ears. But that wasn't the case, the room was empty besides Sam packing up their stuff so that they could leave. Head home. For some reason the word home left a cold empty feeling in his chest. To go along side the hole still there, though it stung a little more now. Knowing why it was there. Part of him wished he would go back to forgetting. But honestly, it wouldn't help. It would still be there. Cas would still be there. The  _ ghostly finger prints  _ of Cas lingered all over his heart and there was no getting rid of them, no matter what.

The drive home wasn't as long as Dean thought it would be. It was also just as quiet and Dean was okay with that. Sam didn't ask questions, he just remained quiet. Sometimes he would drift in and out of sleep or look up something on his laptop. Other times they just listened to the radio and traveled down the road making their way home. It was just about dusk when they finally made it to the bunker, honestly Dean was impressed with himself. Managing to make it from Idaho all the way back to Kansas. He knew why though. His sleep was haunted more than usual and staying awake and driving was more peaceful than sleep.

The brothers grabbed their bags out of the back and made their way into the bunker. That familiar flutter of his heart kicked in once more. The butterflies coming back to life again, like they always did when he entered the bunker. This time a little more hope rang behind them, but he wasn't sure why. Piece of him felt he would be met with disappointment once more. The bunker empty as it usually was.  _ Except this time. _

"Hello, Dean." The deep voice spoke softly and almost in a whisper, his blue eyes didn't quite reach up to meet Dean’s. Dean stood frozen in his spot, his eyes still tightly shut. He found himself terrified to open his eyes. Because if he opened them and Cas wasn't really there, he knew he would for sure crumble to pieces. Dean took in a quiet deep breath, held it for a moment, then let it out slow before he finally opened his eyes. Sam was slightly confused at who the man was, though, he also had a look on his face as if he knew the man. Dean just stared at the angel, his eyes ran up and down his body as if not really believing he was really there.

"Cas..." The word left his lips in a whisper. Dean dropped the bag he had in his hands before making his way around the table, taking his steps in larger strides. Terrified that if he didn't get to Cas faster, he might disappear once more. Before Cas could disappear or even register what Dean was doing, Dean wrapped his arms around the angel in a bone crushing hug; refusing to let go. It took Cas a few seconds before he realized that Dean was hugging him. Once he did he quickly wrapped his arms around him, returning the hug; refusing to let go, himself.

Dean isn't sure how long they stand there just holding each other but he doesn't care. He has Cas back and in his arms and right now that is all that matters. Sure there is the issue about what he has done. But for now Dean isn't going to worry about it. He has Cas back. Cas is back  _ home _ .

"Dean...are you going to let go?" Cas squeaks out with what air he has left in his lungs. It's probably a good thing Angels don't really need to breath. Because if so Dean probably would have squeezed him to death. Dean loosens his grip a little but he doesn't let go. He's too afraid that Cas might disappear on him again.

"No." Dean answers, in a soft rough voice. He's still holding back the tears but he doesn't really worry about them. He hears a soft sigh of contentment escape Cas’ lips before Cas buries his head into the crook of Dean's neck. Settling in showing he is happy and content with standing here, probably forever, letting Dean hold him. And Dean can't help the small whimper of a whine that escapes his lips at the thought of that. Cas must have heard the sound because his arms tighten a little around Dean. As if to reassure him he isn't going anywhere.

"Don't ever do that again." Dean speaks now, anger in his voice but Cas can hear the fear in his voice. Which only makes him tighten his grip a little more on the Winchester holding him closely. Cas nods his head for an answer but he knows Dean can't see that.

"Okay.."Cas speaks the word as a promise and he knows Dean can tell. Cas once more returns his head to the crook of Dean's neck and stands there holding him, while he holds him back. Both of them refusing to let the other go. Scared the other might disappear. Like this is just some kind of dream. Dean isn't sure how long they both stand there just holding each other. Before Sam clears his throat and excuses himself, knowing this is a private moment. 

But even as Sam leaves they still hold on to each other. Dean isn't even sure at what point they let go long enough to make it to his room or if Cas just zapped them there with his wings. Dean is pretty sure it was Cas because he hears the soft sound of wings flapping when they make it to his room. Dean can tell that Cas is slightly nervous and not sure if he is actually welcome here by the way his body is slightly tense. But Dean doesn't let go for a long moment before pulling back and looking at Cas.

"You should sleep, Dean." Cas speaks softly as his eyes look up to meet the hunters green eyes. Dean nods but he doesn't move. He doesn't want to let go of Cas. His hands still holding onto his arms. Refusing to let go of the angel, fear still crippling him in ways. Cas must be able to tell because before Dean knows it Cas rest his hands gentle on the hunter’s hips, guiding them to the bed slowly. Cas gently pushes Dean down onto the bed and lets Dean readjust himself into a more comfortable sleeping potion. Cas wasn't sure if Dean wanted him to stay or to go. But when Dean looked up at the angel and opened his arms all the doubts faded.

Cas quickly crawled over Dean before laying down next to him. His head resting on the hunter’s chest, his own arms wrapping around the hunters middle section. As Dean’s strong arms wrapped around him; holding him in place. Dean placed a soft kiss on top of Cas head before resting his chin on top of it. Sighing contently, causing Cas to snuggle just a little bit closer to him or as close as he could get. With Dean's arms wrapped tightly around him, Cas couldn't leave if he wanted too but he didn't want to anyways. He was right where he wanted to be. Right where he needed to be.  _ He was home _ .

 

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That night when Dean goes to bed, he doesn't go alone. His room no longer feels empty and a little bit cold. But warm and full of love. He didn't go to bed with an achy feeling or a hole in his chest. But instead with an angel,  _ his angel _ , in his arms held tightly and close to him. His arms wrapped around him tightly, still refusing to let him ago. Afraid that if he does, he might disappear again. when he does finally fall asleep the nightmare of that haunting feeling of missing something doesn't come to him in his dreams. After Cas reassures him that he will still be there when he wakes up.

Dean knows that what happened between them is far from being fixed and that they'll have to talk about it. But for once he isn't worried about it. Because if there is one thing that Dean knows is that no matter what they  _ always  _ come back to each other. They always  _ find  _ each other. Even erasing memories can't fix that or making it where none of it ever happened. So for the first time in a long time Dean sleeps. Dean falls asleep feeling whole, safe and loved. Because he has his angel tight in his arms and doesn't plan on letting go anytime soon.

When Dean wakes the next morning he finds fear to cripple him for a few short seconds. Fear that none of it was real and it was all just a dream. So he waits for that empty feeling to slap him awake. That hole in his chest to come back but it doesn't this time. It doesn't come crashing into him like a brick wall. No. The feeling of a heavy head resting on his chest. Warmth from the body pressed tightly against him covers him, filling him with warmth and love. Dean keeps his eyes squeezed shut for a moment longer before he slowly opens them. The fear he held slowly fades when his green eyes meet ocean deep blue eyes. Dean can't help the grin that spreads across his lips. Causing a look of confusion to spread across Castiel’s face. This makes Cas head tilt in that adorable way, showing he is slightly confused.

"God, I love you." The words slip out of Dean's mouth before he fully realizes what he had just said. But even after he has said it, he doesn't take it back. Because even though those three words scare the hell out of him, he means each one of them. The surprised look on Cas’ face causes Dean’s grin to deepen a little more. The angel shifts a little, still keeping his body tightly pressed against Dean. But better angling his face to look at his hunter. Not quite sure where this confession came from but he doesn't mind.

The surprise soon fades from Cas’ face as it turns into the most breathtaking gums showing smile that Dean has ever seen. And he decides then, that it's his favorite smile and that he will do anything to keep it on his face.

"I don't understand what a love confession to my father has to do with us, Dean." The angel speaks finally, trying to hide the grin growing on his lips while trying to play it off as if he was being serious.

"But I'm glad you have decided to love him." Cas spoke matter-of-factly like he always does when he is being serious. But Dean can see right past it, see the joking tone underlining it. The gummy smile coming back out as he looks back up at Dean. Humor sparkling in his eyes. Dean can't help but affectionately roll his eyes down at his angel, his grin still in place.

"Cas, don't ever change." Dean spoke, echoing his words from years ago. Dean lets his hand rest softly on the angels cheek, his thumb softly brushing across Cas cheek bone. Cas head leans into the touch, resting his head into the hunter’s hand softly. Dean lets his head dip down a little bit kissing Cas forehead, before kissing the top of his nose. Getting a small little nose scrunch out of Cas before he angled his head better giving Dean a better angle to his lips.

Dean might have kissed a lot in his time but none of those compared to the kiss he shared with Cas in this moment. Such passion and tenderness. The love behind this kiss would put stars to shame. It's a kiss that doesn't just scream I LOVE YOU but also whispers it into each dark corner that might still have doubt. Which none have anymore. Dean loves Cas, this he knows. But he also knows Cas loves him back. Just as Cas loves Dean and now knows that Dean loves him back.

And as cliché as it is to say, Dean would swear fireworks are going off somewhere right now. And in this moment he knew that he'd never love another the way he loves Cas. And the thought should scare him, but it doesn't. Because Dean knows this is the man he wants to spend the rest of his life with. There is no one else for him and he's okay with that because he doesn't want anyone else just one person; just Cas.

The two of them would stay in bed for the rest of the morning almost til noon before they would crawl out of bed. Dean refusing to let go of Cas and just wanting to stay in bed with him all day. So they stay, till finally Cas manages to talk Dean into getting out of bed. They share lazy kisses back and forth and just soak up each other’s company. The simple peace of the moment. They don't rush it. Because they have time and if they are going to do this then damnit, they might as well do it right. But Dean has a feeling that them agreeing to taking it slow won't last long. After all when have they ever done it right? It's just not who they are. Later that day Cas would go back in time and fix the mistake he made and set everything back to being right.

Of course it doesn't matter, well it does but he knows it's okay to go home. Dean has already forgiven him for it. Sam was a little angry, but in a few hours he would be okay. Because that is what family does. They make stupid mistakes for the ones they love, they get angry but it never lasts. Because that is what you do when it comes to family. You forgive. And sure it took Cas the hard way to learn this, but he did. He knew it was stupid to make them forget him and should've known it wouldn't work. But isn't that the point of a mistake? to learn from it?

That night Dean and Cas once more go to bed together, like they would ever night from now on until forever. Dean holding Cas in his arms and tight to him Cas learns from his mistake. Sure it might have been a stupid mistake and he knows that this might not have been the out come of it. But part of him is glad he made this mistake and was able to learn from it. But most important he is glad to finally be home. Because goddamn,  _ did he miss his home _ .

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't tag it as a coda cause idk if it technically counts as one? I mean it does take place after the finale...though my own little au version of the finale. I wrote it like WEEEKS before the finale! Oops. Anyways, I hope y'all enjoyed it!
> 
> also, again, this isn't beta so sorry for any fuck ups! also if anyone wants to beta for me I'd love you more then air it's self. Totally message me here or [tumblr](http://foreverdestielxx.tumblr.com/).<3
> 
> Till next time my little cinnamon rolls. ^-^


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